Local Fat Man Opts For Tattoo Over Diet

Josh Bromstein, an overweight fellow in his mid twenties living in Toronto, Canada, talks about his voyage of self-discovery to our correspondent.

“I was at Subway recently getting three of their low calorie sandwiches and the large Diet Pepsi when I looked outside and saw this guy, he was immense, wearing the latest gangsta gear and sporting this incredible display of tats. Full sleeve really weird anime stuff and I could even see the tattooed tail of a lizard coming up from his shirt and encircling his neck. It was like he wasn’t even ashamed of being so fat. He was proud of it; he was a true rebel overthrowing society’s tired conceptions of what people should look like. It was totally rock and roll, guy.

“What was even more impressive to me was that he had a girlfriend! She was chunky too but was pretty in the face. She also had tattoos and was dressed kind of goth-y. She looked like she liked to laugh. It just hit me –  instead of spending my time worrying about my weight I could just get some tattoos and become cool. I felt such a wave of relief crash over me. I changed my order to the meatball sub. Now I’m just trying to decide between some L.A. gang sign and Mighty Mouse for my first.”