Mayor Scales Back

In a decision that has sent shock waves through City Council and the Weight Loss industry, Mayor Rob Ford has summarily dismissed the scale used to record his public battle with the bulge.

“I have campaigned exclusively on the issue of cutting both waste and my own waist. I have worked hard to lose weight and it frankly is the lowest treachery to publicly betray me in this way after such a long business relationship,” explained a teary and red-faced Mayor Ford.

His worship refers to the recent and very public disagreement between his stated weight loss achievements and the registered weight displayed on the scale in question, a Uline shipping scale formerly used in Mayor Ford’s label business, Deco Labels and Tags,¬†and brought over to join his weight loss team. There is apparently a five pound discrepancy between Mayor Ford’s claims and the weight registered by Uline.

“I don’t care what some stupid scale says. Rob has lost the weight he has stated. The scale is wrong and clearly displays a clear tilt to the left,” snapped Councillor Doug Ford, the Mayor’s brother and close confidant.

Weight loss guru Sandy Gerussi said, “It is a sad day when we shoot the messanger like this. However, it is all too common for people to lash out at their scales when they get news they don’t like. I could tell you shocking stories of people taking hammers to their scales, throwing them out windows… Shocking, shocking stories.”

Uline declined to provide a comment for this article.