Poll Shows People Glad Holiday Season is Over

People are relieved that the stressful holiday season is over and that they are no longer under the intense pressure to avoid offering an inappropriate seasonal greeting.

The competing claims by Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice and Eid * are such that the traditional greeting of “Merry Christmas” is seen by many as insensitive and offensive. Most people resort to the safe fall back position of “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays”. Occasionally however, some in a fit of festive joy or childhood regression slip up and demand that others celebrate the birth of a child over 2,000 years ago through expressions of joy, exchanges of gifts and good cheer and gathering with family and friends. People are understandably upset by such a dictate. As a result, recent poll numbers show that the majority of people are glad that this difficult season is behind us.

“I can finally relax and just say Happy New Year to people without worrying that I might offend someone by wishing them the wrong seasonal greeting for happiness. Thank God!” expressed Mike Hanraty, a cigarette addict and office worker in downtown Toronto as he braved the subzero temperatures for a smoke break earlier this week.

Unfortunately, he offended at least two people with this statement as they walked by. One, a devout Christian, was offended by taking her Lord’s name in vain. Another, a devout atheist, was offended by mentioning a deity at all. On a positive note of solidarity, both were offended by his smoking, however.

*(Publisher’s Note: list is provided as a sample and is no way to be seen as an endorsement of these holidays over others which through sheer inadvertance and in the interest of space constraints may not have been included. We apologize in advance for any insult which may have resulted by this list. )