It All Depends

diaper.jpgBlame it on the Boomer parents. Blame it on the permissive ‘anything goes’ ethos of our times. Blame it on improved moisture-wicking technology. Whatever you blame it on, if this trend continues Diaper Genies will be required in all first year university dorm rooms. Admissions personnel from many colleges and universities have reported a disturbing trend in recent applicants and, while fingers are pointed in various directions, one thing seems clear – too many college age kids are wearing diapers. Brad Duguid, Chief Custodian of North-North-Eastern University summarizes the problem. “I don’t know what it is but all of a sudden there is this rash of kids who either can’t or refuse to use the toilet. On one hand it has really cut down on the washroom cleaning duties of my staff but they are rebelling at emptying the trashcans. We’re used to college kids’ dorm rooms being pretty ripe-smelling but this is a whole new level of stench.” Stephanie Ross, a leading sociologist at the Institute of Disturbing Social Trends, a think tank in New Westminster, gives some analysis. “We first saw the use of adult diapers for non-necessary reasons by VLT (video lottery terminal) addicts. Rather than leaving to use the facilities while they were “hot” or “on a roll”, these addicts would wear adult diapers so that they could remain at the terminals for extended periods of times. Almost simultaneously, we noticed the rise of their use in the rave culture where kids would ingest large amounts of drugs and alcohol and, knowing that loss of bodily functions would likely result, took preventative measures. Whether there is any link between these two other uses and this recent development is unclear but it is unlikely. Preliminary studies indicate that this is not a late reversion to early childhood behaviour but shows rather that these kids have never learned how to use the toilet.” Dr. Maxim Okri, The World’s Most Trusted PediatricianTM, spells out what this can mean for parents trying to toilet train their toddlers. “All the time I hear people talking about this thing this “world without borders” like it’s a good thing – it’s not. Borders are important concepts to separate things that should be separated. Too many children are being encouraged to have this positive self-image that is immune to good old social pressure and disapproval. When you couple this with the space-age fabrics in the market place is it any surprise that they are saying, ‘Why should I press my bottom against some cold porcelain when I can much more comfortably settle into my own waste? It’s warm, I made it and everything I do is wonderful – just ask my besotted parents.” This, of course, spells trouble for those parents of toddlers who, when encountering toilet-training difficulties, have long comforted themselves with the nostrum that, ‘However long it takes, you never hear of anyone entering University not already toilet trained.’